i've been married to my husband for 7 1/2 years now and there is a part of me that still thinks my friends and parents are paying him monthly. he's that fantastic.

he proposed to me in the hospital after knowing me for 9 months, (this 2007 new year's was our 9th anniversary of when we met)and since that moment, it's been a love story through and through. he is my prince charming, my rock, my chief care-giver and my go to for venting and saying over and over again the same things that i hate most about being sick... the miracle of our romance is that it is one. with all the sickness, pain and suffering and general kvetching that surrounds me, we have somehow managed to find a way to keep things light, fun and romantic even. since i've been diagnosed, i've been in the hospital for about 30 times, each visit lasting on average a week to three. he's there each night after work, curling up with me on the twin size hospital bed, we watch baseball or stupid cable movies and make it fun and as normal as it can be. i think that is a key thing.

the honed ability to just go with the flow and act as normal as possible in your relationship. have the faith (or lack of faith in faith, whatever and however you want to feel, what a loaded word "faith" is, i will definitely be getting back to that later...)that your love will prevail and just go with whatever happens but go there together.

we have a deal that we worked out way, way in the early stages of out relationship, which was that i had to be ultra honest with him about how i felt at any given moment, no matter how hard i wanted to blow things off, or disregard my feelings, symptoms, etc. he wanted to be on the same page as i was so he could be there for and with me, and because of that rule i think we are stronger for it. it's just one of a 1000 strategies one must employ to make a relationship work when one person is well and the other is fighting an illness, but i am here to tell you, 9 years later, it can be done.
summing up, i guess the ole' words of wisdom of honesty being the best policy has withstood time's test for a reason.

i was going to title today's blog, "fear of crying wolf," and as i wrote i realized that it was exactly that worry that i was trying to hone in on and it was exactly that act that i should not have angst about, if i'm being true to myself and my partner... if you have an honest and real relationship, be it with yourself, your friends, family or a special someone, reality and honesty have got to be central when dealing with illness or else it just won't work.

for instance, i've just come off of a week of feeling like roadkill. tonight as i laid in bed waiting for my husband to come home, brain pulsating with pain, my stomach and lower back radiating intense throbbing and stabbing pain from my pancreatitis, i felt like, G-d, enough of this, complaining to him yet again for the 7th day in a row almost felt like i was crying wolf... however, it was just the opposite. by letting him inside and telling my partner how i felt was the right thing to do. it was being fair to our agreement and honest about our life as it was at that moment in time. the romance came when he stood by my side of the bed, ginger ale in hand, kissed my cheek softly, turned down the lights and told me, as always, he was just a shout away.
i realize. believe me, that i am perhaps the luckiest person around. my husband is like an angel sent down to take care of me and it doesn't hurt that he can cook and looks like rob lowe as well!!!!
yes, i am plagued by having a lemon as a body, but my heart and soul could not be more nourished and cared for. all and all, i think i fall firmly within the lucky camp of life...
be well, jules